One of my favorite lessons comes from a children’s storybook series Frog and Toad by Arnold Lobel. If you haven’t read these classic stories, in a nutshell, Toad is a negative nelly, pessimistic character, while Frog is an optimistic, positive character. The two are best friends.
Me and my husband use these depictions to describe where we are in the moment. I will often say, “I am being a Toad,” when I am feeling down. And I will tell him not to “Frog my Toad,” when he tries to get me to look at the silver lining. When I am in a Toad sort of mood, I just want to be met with validation. Affirm that it’s okay for me to feel the way that I feel – that I am not crazy.
In the story, each character stays true to form being an optimist, or a pessimist. In reality, we all have some Toad and some Frog in us. Where we are on that scale operates on a spectrum. Life is not so black and white. There are a lot of gray areas.
Sometimes we can feel a bit of Toad energy and Frog energy at the same time and that’s okay. We are human and being human is complicated.
I carry a figurine of a frog with me because in the moments when I am so caught in Toad mode that I cannot see the light, I could use a little Frog in my life.
We need both. We cannot be Froggy all the time. That would be a denial of our true humanity and the human experience. Sometimes we just want to stay in bed and allow ourselves to feel down and that is okay.
It’s helpful to notice where you are at. Are you feeling like Toad? Or like Frog? Or somewhere in between. Once you have that knowledge, ask yourself what you need. Moment by moment, how we feel changes. Our needs change often too. Be the observer of your experience and tend to yourself the best you can. Let yourself have the whole human experience – be both Frog and Toad.
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