Home Base

jessieskrall
Jul 8, 2023
2 min read

Updated: Jun 30

By Jessie Krall | Originally published on Krall Counseling

When we’re children—in the healthiest of situations—our parents or caregivers are our home base.

It doesn’t matter how big the house is, or how much money the family has. If the parents are emotionally safe and attuned, the child learns to feel at home in their body, their world, and eventually, their life.

But for many people, that sense of “home” wasn’t there. Maybe there was chaos. Or neglect. Or simply disconnection.

And without a secure home base early on, it can feel harder to trust—both yourself and others.

🌀 Becoming Home Base for Yourself

Here’s the good news:

As an adult, you get to become home base for yourself.

You can build a relationship with yourself that is:

Loving
Kind
Compassionate
Rooted in self-trust and intuition

You get to learn how to be with yourself in hard moments. To listen to your inner wisdom. To self-regulate in the storm.

Because home is not just a physical place. It’s a felt sense inside your nervous system.

🌤️ You Are the Sky

One of my favorite quotes comes from Pema Chödrön:

“You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather.”

Life will change. Emotions will rise and fall. People will come and go. But you? You can be your own sky.

When you create inner stability, you can handle whatever the world brings. That’s what it means to feel at home within.

💛 Home Base in Partnership

When we partner with another person, they can also become part of our home base.

In healthy relationships, couples create what’s called a co-regulating nervous system. You help each other feel safe. Steady. Connected.

It’s similar to the secure bond children ideally form with caregivers.

That said, I often recommend building a strong relationship with yourself first—when possible. Two people who have solid inner home bases and then come together?

Unstoppable.

But even if you're already partnered, it's never too late. You can always deepen the relationship you have with yourself.

🌿 Building Inner Safety Through Self-Compassion

One of the most powerful frameworks I’ve ever encountered for creating a secure inner home comes from Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion.

She offers a simple, three-part practice you can use in difficult moments:

Mindfulness
“This is a moment of suffering.”
Common Humanity
“Other people feel this way too.”
Self-Kindness
Ask: What do I need to say or do right now? Maybe it's: “I’m doing the best I can.” “I need connection.” “I deserve rest.”