Lulls are Inevitable

jessieskrall
Sep 5, 2023
2 min read

Updated: Jun 30

By Jessie Krall | Originally published on Krall Counseling

Even in the healthiest, most loving relationships, lulls are inevitable.

For Rob and me, the lull came during a season of big transitions. In January, I launched my private practice. A few months later, Rob stepped into a new managerial role—with a lot of responsibility.

We were both proud and excited. But we were also exhausted.

Somehow, we slipped into a rut of talking about work almost nonstop. And in our downtime? We numbed out with TV. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

This went on for a few weeks—until one day, we named it. We looked at each other and said, “Okay… something has to shift.”

🐈 Step One: Do Something New (and Full of Cats)

Our first move? A date. A real one. Something novel. Something playful.

Rob knew I’d been dying to go to El Jefe Cat Café—a three-story café in Tucson filled with coffee, adult cats, and kittens. He surprised me by booking us an hour-long visit.

Before we met the cats, I got an Americano. Rob got a Mocha. I bought a t-shirt with a black cat holding coffee that says:

“I like cats and coffee and maybe 3 people.”So relatable.

We each found “our” cat:

I picked a tiny one-eyed tortie who followed me everywhere (just like my cat Joy).
Rob bonded with a tan beauty he named Belle—who purred under his hand.

Then we visited the kitten floor. The second we walked in, they swarmed us—climbing all over our laps and shoulders. We were in heaven.

💡 Research shows that doing new or novel activities as a couple can spark the same brain chemicals associated with the honeymoon phase.

This date filled my cup. It made me feel closer to Rob again. And it reminded me of something important :Connection doesn’t always require a grand gesture. Sometimes it just takes cats.

🐋 Step Two: Less “Inappropriate Whale Talk”

Next, we had to address the other problem: The constant work talk.

We decided to get playful. We borrowed a line from Extraordinary Attorney Woo, a show we both love. The main character, a brilliant autistic attorney, is obsessed with whales. Her dad tells her each morning before work:

“No inappropriate whale talk.”

It became our new inside joke. Whenever we started spiraling into work talk, one of us would say it—with a smile. It was a lighthearted way to redirect, not shame.