On my dear friend’s 20th wedding anniversary, I asked her what advice she would give to couples just starting out. What she wrote back was so profound. I excerpted a part that really stood out to me as the number one most important thing in a healthy relationship:
“Talk about it. Whatever it is, no matter what it is, talk about it; be honest, but always loving, and hold your partner above all others.”
In my experience, having the ability to lean in when things get tough and to talk through it, is everything. Even during the bumpy moments, on the other side of an intentional conversation, there is a growing togetherness that develops. A deep sense that, together you can get through anything.
One of the ways that my husband and I ensure that we continue to talk about things, is that we create dedicated space, with one another, in the morning, over coffee, and then, at night, as we wind down for the day. These small rituals are preventative in nature.
We talk about the good, the bad, the ugly. We talk about our hopes, our fears, our dreams. We celebrate together. We practice gratitude together. We grieve together. We problem solve together. We create together. We have each other’s back 100 percent. We give each other the most generous assumptions and refrain from jumping to conclusions, or creating distorted stories about the other’s intentions.
In working with so many couples over the years, I am consistently surprised at how little the average couple actually talks to one another. It's common for them to claim they’re too busy. That life has gotten in the way. I hear you and YET I believe we have agency over what we prioritize in our lives. We are not at the whim of life, blowing in the wind.
Relationships, in my opinion, can propel us in all areas of our lives, when we put them at the forefront. The biggest key is creating the space to talk to each other, not just expecting the space to eventually show up.
You are the creators of your lives. Make it count.
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