The Gardener and The Flower

The Gardener and The Flower

In every relationship, there are times you must be the gardener and times you must be the flower. The gardener’s job is to attend to the flower. To water it, to care for it. The flower’s job is to receive the care.

One way to assess what role you are in, is for you and your partner to take a moment and get quiet. Close your eyes, hand on heart, tune inward. Ask yourself,

“Where is my gas tank today, on a scale of 0 to 100?”

Listen for the first number that comes to mind, this is generally the most intuitive answer. Zero means that your gas tank is empty – you’ve got no energy to give. This means, you need to be the flower today. Once you get above a 50 percent, you might have enough energy to be the gardener.

The gardener may simply hold space and listen to the flower. The gardener may give a nice pep talk or make the flower a meal or do some extra chores for the day. The gardener makes sure that the flower is properly attended to.

Of course, you and your partner could both have empty tanks at the same time, which means neither one of you is able to attend to the other. This is where self-care comes in.

When your tank is low, it is probable that you need to rest and simply be.

If both of you have full tanks, this is great. You both have energy to actively attend to one another.

Are you feeling like a flower today, or a gardener?